Another "episode"

My new definition of "hell on earth" is driving down our ranch road. I did get a soft cervical collar and it helps but the bumps and the two mile dirt road is awful! I wish we had a hovercraft. That would be awesome. Someone should hurry up and make one that is affordable, please! Then I could get to our little peace of heaven on earth without going through hell first. I absolutely love the ranch. It is our "home". The rain of late has really kept the dust down and filled all the water tanks. The rain was heaven sent. Soon, there will be lots of feed for the cattle. Since I have not been there much, I missed seeing all the baby cows and the beautiful sunsets. I also missed my nice bed down there. It is much more comfy then the one in town. For some reason, I sleep better there too. Maybe it is the bright stars and the fresh air. Maybe--it's just being home...

I had another "episode" Saturday night. It has been a while but I did too much. This time I was not able to get away from the kids. Usually I can get to my bedroom and close the door but this time we were in the car. I felt it coming on. First it started by a sharp pain in my right eye then I started losing my vision. I knew it was going to be a whopper. The sharp pain began from the back of my head and through the eye. It was like a knife stabbing through my head. My speech gets so bad that Justin can't understand what I am saying. The tremors look like a grand mal seizure. Silence in the car. Not sure what the kids were thinking. FEAR probably. Justin said, "do you want me to keep driving to the emergency room?". I could get "NO!" out. I do know that I do not want to go to the hospital to be treated like a druggie. Last time I went there they told me that "what I had" would not cause "the problems I have" and was treated horrendously. I would rather be nursed at home by my kids and family. I do not want to add insult to injury and then get billed for it! This particular "episode" lasted approximately 45 minutes and would scare the hell out of an adult so I am sure it scared my kids. On one hand though, I think it is good for them to see how sick I really am. It is easy to see that I try to laugh everything off and think I may just want to stay home. I don't. I want to go back to work, now, next week, next month, as soon as I can. I worked hard to go to school to be a nurse and I went to school to help people. By golly, that is what I am going to do. As soon as I am better, I am going to help people. I am not sure in what setting, but I have a new empathy for patients. God has put me through this for a reason. I can not let that go to waste. I hope my kids get a lesson out of this as well. I hope they gain a strength through me. I hope that they see how I deal with what I have been given and how I deal with life's issues. Even if one of them learns something, then I feel successful!

Don't forget that I am selling raffle tickets for an X-box 360 Arcade with 6 games. Tickets are $5 each or 7 for $20. We can do this by mail or if you are a VA employee, you can see Stephane in the ICU and Alice in Primary Care. They both have tickets. Thanks for your support!

We are also in the works for a benefit dinner on August 28th with live music and silent auction in Prescott at the Wyndham. I will keep you updated.