Growing into my new self

Video link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRPrMsAVoLQ

(I am having trouble sleeping. It is about 1:30 am. So sorry if I don't make since, seem to rant, or have errors)

Please watch the above video. It will help you understand more of what my sister and I go through. I am coming to the reality of a new self..... Maybe I am mourning my old self. I love to dance. Right now my legs don't work. I keep getting people's attempts at reassurance, "oh, you will be back to yourself in no time." The truth is, we don't know what will be my new "normal". Awareness is a huge problem with Chiari (Pronounced key-are-ee). Most neurologist have heard of it but that is about it. Another problem, it is more prevalent than MS. I bet you had never heard of it before me. Now let me tell you what I have learned. Surgery will give me some immediate relief from the pressure. However, it will not "cure" me. I will still have good days and bad days. I may still have to have further surgery down the road. We also do not know how much damage to things like my memory or leg weakness are permanent. No one will know until I recover from neurosurgery.

Now I am going to give you my opinion and my opinion only....My dad and his family were cotton farmers when I was conceived. This condition is called tethered cord/Chiari malformation. It is related to spinal bifida and is a neural tube defect. It is a know recorded fact that pesticides cause neural tube defects. What is not a know fact is that, in Arizona, it is still legal to spray cotton fields with a diluted form of agent orange (they call it something else to fool the consumers). Does anyone else find this appalling? Another thing that really bothers me, they spray the fields right next to the schools. Particles actually land on the school children. Isn't that disgusting? Next I am going to tell you about my family. I have a sister that was born with a hole in her heart. And as you know, Dondi and I have Chiari and my brother was born with kidney problems. My mom had twins that were still born in the mix (also know and recorded fact with pesticides). So eight children, one that does not have a birth defect or major problem that we know of. Then, my friend had colon cancer at 32. Another breast cancer with double mastectomy in her early thirties. A boy that lived down the street from us, was born with spinal bifida. I do not even live in the area any more. This is all the people I know of personally. Okay, that is more than coincidence don't you think? I am getting pretty fired up over this. I am getting to blow a whistle and someone is not going to like it. We have our kids to protect and future generations. I am a nurse at the VA. Do you know how many men have congestive heart failure, diabetes, and endless other health problems from agent orange exposure in Vietnam. Now we are doing this on our own soil! This should be making everyone mad! It is not acceptable....

Now that I have ranted. Please forgive me but it upsets me. I am coming into my new idea of myself. Going to NYC on Sunday. Let's keep our fingers crossed that we will have surgery scheduled when I return. My next wish list is that the surgery will help me regain strength in my legs. I want to dance with my handsome husband again! ;)